Auntie Gigi has been around to know everyone’s business — and she’s got notes. She's not here to spare your feelings. She's here to save you from yourself. But don't worry, it's all out of love, nen.
Instant Auntie Energy
Dear Auntie Gigi,
Why am I all of a sudden everyone’s auntie, even if I’m not really their auntie?
- Everyone’s Auntie
Dear Everyone’s Auntie,
Because you are now, neni. There is no escape. Once you reach a certain age or look like you can make rice without burning it, you’re automatically promoted. You could be 27, single, and just trying to live your life, but if someone’s kid calls you “auntie,” guess what? You’re in. No paperwork, no bloodline, just instant auntie status. Embrace it because auntiehood comes with perks: automatic party invites, first dibs on foil for balutan, and the right to give the side-eye without explanation. Make sure you get a purse big enough for wet wipes and candy — you’re official now.
Fiesta Invite
Dear Auntie Gigi,
If I get invited to a family fiesta by the host’s neighbor’s son’s cousin, should I still go?
- Bobby
Dear Bobby,
Neni boy, on Guam, that’s basically a direct invite. You think we’re out here sending embossed RSVPs? No. You better show up, bring something (even if it’s just a bag of ice), say hi to everyone like you’ve known them since birth, and act like you belong — because by the end of the night, you will. Just don’t touch the table until Auntie says so.
Situationship Trap
Dear Auntie Gigi,
I’ve been dating a guy for a while now and he still introduced me as “my friend” at a BBQ and when I brought it up, he said “we’re just chilling” but we’ve been chilling for six months. Should I be worried?
- FZ
Dear FZ,
Worried? Neni girl, if you’re still a “friend” after three fiestas, you’re not dating, you’re part of the catering crew. And six months of “just chilling”? That’s a slow roast. Unless he’s holding your hand at Pay-Less and saving you the last rib, you’re seasonal. Pack your bags and tell him hasta, boy!
