Guam Gumshoe: California Mart Cuisine

By Peter Denman

If you have not yet been to California Mart, over by the GPO mall, it is well worth a visit. It is a good place to get good veggies, and to have a look at the many interesting and unusual things they sell there. None of them come from California, by the way. The store has no connection with California whatsoever other than the name. I asked some of the employees awhile back why it is called that, and they did not know. They called the manager out to ask him, and he didn’t know either. We had a good laugh all around about it and I then continued my study of the bizarre things they had for sale.

Consider first the frozen turban shell. There was so much ice on it I couldn’t get a look at it. I don’t know if they freeze these turbans while still on the Indian’s head or what. Possibly it isn’t a turban at all; it does say that it’s a turban shell. This must mean that turbans live in shells like snails and the Indians pull them out of there and wrap them around their heads. Before seeing this I always thought a turban was just made of cloth. Amazing, isn’t it?

Next is the frozen cut blackmouth angle. I don’t why they keep telling us that these things are frozen. They’re in the frozen section, after all. They’re hard; in other words it’s more than obvious that they’re frozen. Now that I think of it I should have asked the manager whether they’re trying to say that I’m stupid or what.

I was sure, up until the moment I saw this in the frozen section, that an angle was something I encountered in geometry class back in the old days. I had a hard enough time with geometry and am glad there was nothing about these blackmouth angles on any test. I can imagine working my way through the problems and then getting something like: “If a triangle includes a frozen blackmouth angle, how long is the hypotenuse?”

I was thinking that the salted belt fish (not pictured) could also be sold in the men’s wear section. Since it is salted it will keep a long time, and so could be worn as a belt and emergency snack.

I learned something when I spotted the short-necked clams, because I never knew that clams had necks at all, let alone short ones. The thing that puzzles me is how a clam can have a neck when it doesn’t have a head. Possibly the label should read “Headless Clams” instead of short-necked clams. On the other hand, I may go to California Mart one day and spot a package of Frozen Clam Heads.

Last is the all-time universal favorite “Red Bean Ice Sandwich.” It is a bit hard to decide, though, you must admit, between a Red Bean Ice Sandwich and a “B.B. Big Red Bean Ice Bar.”

About the Guam Gumshoe

Peter Denman, originally from Houston, moved to Rota from Texas in 1996, to Chuuk in 1998, and to Guam in 2001. In addition to scuba diving and amateur radio, he spends quite a bit of time observing and trying to understand the many interesting things which go on in the islands. His wife Tanya, who is from Jamaica, has no problem understanding island ways. He feels he has a long way to go when it comes to understanding the islands, but also feels that he has an even longer way to go to understand Texas.